Remember When... Read online

  Although she was back to nervous, Owen was grinning, which confused the hell out of him. “You’re in for the shock of your life, buddy,” Owen said.

  Ginger dug an elbow back into her brother and Shane was momentarily distracted by the casual sibling banter. That was what he wanted to see, Ginger getting back to normal. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Calvin said. “We don’t even know for sure if—”

  “I know,” Ginger said. “I know that. But it’s best to do it now, in the hospital… if I keep hiding it, it becomes a secret… I don’t like secrets.”

  Calvin backed off when she walked past him, but he was pissed as hell. Shane was too confused to focus on that, Ginger was all he could see. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  She was clearly nervous, her face was pale and her hands were shaking. “Before you decide if you want to come to the cabin, before you decide if you want to help me…”

  “Yeah?” Shane asked. “I want to help you. I already know that.”

  “Before you commit,” she said, although he’d already married her, they couldn’t get much more committed as far as he was concerned. “I need to show you something.”

  “Show me something?”

  She nodded and took his hand making him ignore everything else. She’d just touched him of her own accord. He’d forgotten how small her hand was in his. But he was ready, for whatever terrible thing she was about to confess.

  3

  Taking him to the third floor, Ginger knew where she was going and couldn’t deny that she thought about getting deliberately lost. But there was no getting out of this one, it had to be done, unless she planned to send Shane away, and she couldn’t do that, not yet.

  Pushing into an office, she smiled at the woman behind the high desk. “How was he?” she asked and the girl stood up.

  “Oh, just great,” the girl said. “He hasn’t had his banana yet, but he was just having too much fun to sit still.”

  “That’s ok,” Ginger said and glanced at a frowning Shane.

  She signed the book and took him through the door at the back of the room that led into a large soft play area, the floor was padded and there were tunnels and chutes, everything one would expect in a nursery.

  “What are we doing in here?” Shane asked, leaning to whisper above her ear.

  One of the nurses came over. “Oh, you’re back,” she said, disappointed, but piqued when she saw Shane. “You want the family room?”

  Ginger nodded. “Wait here a second,” she said to Shane and opened the small gate that kept the kids away from the door to the office. Except there were no kids here today, none except the one she couldn’t see.

  “You’re here for a kid?” Shane asked. “There are no kids here.”

  “He has a thing for tunnels,” she murmured and headed for the tunnel a few feet away, she dropped to her hands and knees and as soon as she poked her head into it, the kid inside shrieked and scrambled toward her to smack his hands on her cheeks. “Come on, darling.”

  Picking him up, she was pleased that the nurse handed her the diaper bag and pointed to the door in the corner. “His stroller is in there.”

  Shane was fixated on them and had to have figured it out by now, surely, but she nodded toward the office and carried the boy into the family room, hoping that Shane would follow. Sitting on the central couch in front of a low table, she kissed her boy’s plump cheek and put him on his feet so he could stand on the seat and lean against the back of the couch.

  Shane swallowed hard and closed the door before he approached. “Is that…? Is…? Is he…?”

  “Shane Warren,” she said, straightening her son’s jumper. “Meet my son, Cameron… and unless you were lying about the sex or I was cheating on you… your son.”

  Now it was his turn to gape, he stumbled over and dropped onto the couch beside them, staring at the child. She leaned in to kiss the back of Cammy’s head. “Angel, meet Daddy.”

  Cammy dropped onto her lap and kicked his legs at Shane then he crawled over to punch his father’s knee and she laughed. “Ma, ma, ma!” Cam called out.

  “No,” she said, “Da da.”

  It was supposed to be an easier sound, so she figured he would pick it up quickly. He was always good with language and understanding. She thought he was smart, but she was biased.

  “Da!” he hollered then climbed over Shane’s legs and onto the floor. Cammy crawled to the corner where he knew he’d find toys.

  “He’s my son,” Shane exhaled. She nodded, braced for his next reaction, he was still on stunned, but she doubted that would last.

  “You didn’t know I was pregnant?” He was shaking his head, slowly, staring wide-eyed at the child who was banging jigsaw pieces together. “I always wondered if I knew before… if I’d told the father before.”

  “I had no idea,” he said and spun to face her. “How old is he?”

  “Almost ten months,” she answered. “I must have only been a couple of months pregnant when the accident happened… it’s amazing that I didn’t lose him.”

  “Fuck,” he whispered and she smacked his knee, not unlike what Cam had done.

  “Don’t swear in front of him.”

  “Sorry,” he said, appearing truly contrite.

  Jumping to Cam’s defense was instinct, but she had to be humble about this situation too. “I can’t make any guarantees, because I have no memory of his conception, and if he’s not yours, I’m sorry, but…”

  “He’s mine,” Shane said, pulling her hand up to his mouth and as he kissed her knuckles a grin burst to his lips. “There’s no fucking way you were screwing around and we were screwing a lot.”

  She hit his leg again. “No swearing, Mr. Warren.”

  “You better start calling me Shane damn soon,” he said. “And I’m sorry. I swear more when I’m in shock.”

  She smiled. “I’m getting that.” They shared a moment and she looked at their joined hands, feeling the warmth of him for the first time and the security of his grasp. “You don’t have any responsibility to him… I mean, don’t think I’m introducing you so I can hit you up for child support or anything… it’s just… I’m very particular about being separated from him, in fact, I hate it, so if we do go to this retreat he’ll be coming with me.”

  His grin got wider as Cam crawled over and then used the couch between them to pull himself onto his feet. Cam handed her a jigsaw piece and Shane hesitated with a hand above his head. “It’s ok,” she said, pushing his hand onto Cam’s head.

  Shane exhaled and ruffled his hair. “Hey, kid… I’m your daddy.”

  Cam gave Shane the other jigsaw piece and started to bounce. “He’s a really physical boy,” she said. “Sometimes I can’t keep up… he’s desperate to get on his feet. He crawls around the place like a crazy guy.”

  “I can’t wait to… to get to know him.”

  “He loves fruit, can’t get enough of it and he likes to be moving… that’s about all you need to know.”

  Cam dropped to crawl away again and Shane looked at her. “Can I…? Can I…?”

  “Play with him?” she asked and laughed as she sat back. “Course you can, but I’m not responsible for any bruises.”

  “Babe… I…” he said and it was amazing to see how he glowed even though he was lost for words.

  Nodding, she smiled too. “Go on… daddy.”

  Shane dropped onto his hands and knees and chased Cam to the toy box. Instead of stopping Cam kept going, shrieking and laughing as Shane chased him. Then he stopped to crawl underneath him. The boys roughhoused for a while and she watched, amazed at what a relief it was to see father accept son.

  She’d still ask him for paternity, just in case, and that’s what she’d meant upstairs about telling Shane in a hospital, where there were needles and people who could do the tests. But she couldn’t lie about her child, not when he was her reason for being.

  Her link to her past.

  Cam was the boy who’d ma
de the journey with her. He’d been with her all the way, her focus and what kept her going through the darkest of times. Being pregnant had made her recovery more difficult, but there wasn’t a chance she would give up on the child who had in so many ways saved her life.

  Watching the boys play, she was filled with a calm relief that there was no awkwardness between them. Trust Cammy to just accept everything that was going on. The adults were awkward and uncomfortable while learning each other, Cameron somehow recognized his father and she knew already that the paternity would be positive. They smiled the same, laughed the same, and moved the same.

  Cameron was her litmus test. If he accepted Shane, then it was her job to do the same.

  Ginger let them play for another half hour and absorbed every second of the bonding. Even though she was largely ignored, she loved it. Cameron was shrieking now as Shane tossed him in the air then dropped to roll onto his back to blow raspberries on the baby’s belly.

  Cameron was red-faced and struggling to take a deep breath because he was laughing so hard, but she couldn’t blame him, she was laughing too.

  But it was getting late, and they wouldn’t have much more time. Sliding off the couch, she crawled around to the other side of the low coffee table and opened the diaper bag that was beneath it to pull out a bowl and a bunch of bananas, she mashed one up, and then turned with the bowl and spoon in hand.

  “Ok, mommy has to be a spoil sport,” she said, and Shane tipped his head all the way back to look at her. “He needs his snack.”

  “Snack, buddy,” Shane said like it was the most exciting prospect in the world. “Let’s go get a snack.”

  He grabbed Cam’s waist and flipped over, helping the boy to walk on his own feet over to the table. When he was there, Cam held onto the edge. Shane lay back, on his side, propped on an elbow, behind Cam, with his elbow almost touching her thigh.

  “Thank you,” she said as she spooned some banana mix into Cameron’s mouth.

  “Hey, snack is important,” Shane said, picking fluff from Cam’s jeans.

  “No,” she said and smiled out a laugh. “Thank you for accepting him. Even if he turns out not to be yours—“

  “Hey,” he said, and sat up beside her, still behind Cam. “He’s mine.”

  “I don’t have any memory of—”

  He smirked. “You might not believe this now, but we were actually in love, and we had a lot of sex.”

  She didn’t need to be reminded of that because it made her blush again. Cameron ate more banana then dropped onto his butt to crawl under the table and stick his face into the diaper bag. “Still,” she said, pulling down Cam’s top so it met his jeans. “I guess we can’t know for sure unless—”

  “You want to do paternity?” he asked and she was biting her lip when she nodded, trying her best to apologize in her wince. “No problem.” Cupping her jaw, he smiled. “I told you. If it’s in my power to give you it, I will. Don’t ever worry about asking me for anything.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered so quietly the words almost didn’t come out.

  Cam spun around and thrust an arm in the air. “Raaa!” he screamed, throwing his stuffed lion at his father.

  Shane screamed appropriately and fell to his back to wrestle with the lion against his neck like he was being mauled. It was funny to see such a big guy at the mercy of something so tiny. But he was a pro, he kept fighting the beast as Cam crawled on top of him. Shane managed to balance the baby, caring for him and supporting him, while entertaining him.

  Cam bounced on Shane’s chest and made more roaring noises. But she picked him up to nestle the baby in her crossed legs. “Let’s give daddy a break, Cam,” she said because she had only been half-joking about bruises.

  “Raa!” Cam said, holding the lion over his head to his mother.

  “Yes, Angel… does Raa want some banana?” she asked and pretended to feed the lion before giving Cam some more. “You’re very good with him… I guess I should ask… do you have other children? Do…? Do we have other kids?”

  “No,” he said. “No other kids for either of us, together or apart. Cameron is our first.” But not our last, maybe she made up that last part, but she was sure it went unsaid and she shifted again.

  “Were we trying?”

  “Not actively, though I guess you could we were actively practicing.” He did enjoy trying to make her blush. “We weren’t… not trying either… What’s his last name?”

  Oh, that was probably a big deal to him and she felt guilty that she hadn’t known their married name although there was no way she could have. “I was Jane Doe in hospital for a while, when you have no name they go generic, so it’s Smith, like I am… I was… I don’t know what I am now.”

  “Cameron Smith,” he said and seemed relieved though she didn’t know why and as was his way, Cameron interrupted the moment before she could ask for an explanation.

  “Da. Ba,” Cam said, pointing to the bunch of bananas on the table then at his father.

  “Does Daddy get a banana?” she asked and Cam climbed up to pull at the bananas, she helped him pull one from the bunch, but left it on the table. “We don’t know if Daddy likes bananas.”

  Cam didn’t give him much of a choice, he thrust it at his mother and tugged at the top. “Op. Op, mama.”

  Peeling the banana for her child, she knew it didn’t matter if it ended up in the trash, this was important bonding. She was about to hand it back to Cam when her baby pushed her hand toward Shane, who was sitting up again.

  “Dada,” Cam said, his frown was so cute, he was just so serious.

  Shane leaned forward and bit the top off the banana she was holding. Now she was feeding both boys, but there was something far more intense about feeding the larger one, especially when he pinned her under his gaze.

  Cam shrieked and clapped, then climbed off her lap to go back to the diaper bag. “I’m sorry, he’s… bossy,” she said, her tongue drying when Shane pulled her hand close for another bite.

  Their son wasn’t watching anymore, so she didn’t need to feed him, but Shane was following orders. “It used to be I only had to follow your orders,” he said. “Now I have to follow his orders too.”

  She didn’t know if that was a complaint or an insult, and frowned, but Shane smiled. “He’s easy to distract,” she said. “If he asks too much, just find Raa, his lion is his favorite.”

  “So far he seems to be doing me a favor,” Shane said and she noticed her son wrestling with a box of raisins.

  “Mommy do it,” she said and put the banana aside to take the raisin box from Cam so she could open it. Tipping the contents into the banana mix, she stirred it up and added a little more milk before mixing again and feeding Cam more.

  “He likes that,” Shane said.

  Cameron ate more then sat in her crossed legs again and pulled the bowl down so he could pick out the raisins with his fingers. He ate one. Then another. “He’s a great eater,” she said. “And he loves his fruit… he’s not so good with vegetables, unless you mush them up, then he’ll eat anything.”

  “You’ve done an amazing job,” Shane said, leaning closer to run his fingers through Cameron’s hair. The boy kept picking raisins but she couldn’t breathe, she’d never been this close to Shane before, the heat of his whole body was scorching hers.

  “Da,” Cam said, holding up a slimy raisin between his fingers while he examined the mush for another.

  “Is that for me?” Shane asked.

  “Daddy doesn’t want that,” she said and tried to push her son’s hand back down, but Shane closed his hand around hers on Cam’s arm. All three of them connected for the first time, skin to skin. “It’s mixed with my milk.” Well that admission was mortifying. If he hadn’t been put off by Cameron’s slimy hands, then that should deter him.

  Except the corner of his lips curled up and his eyes got darker as he lowered and closed his mouth around Cameron’s fingers to suck the raisin free. Their son went back
to his food as soon as Shane loosened, but she couldn’t blink her eyes from his.

  Her heart was pounding in her chest. “Oh god,” she exhaled.

  “I’ve tasted every other part of you,” he murmured.

  Something was happening. Something between them or something to her, she couldn’t figure it out. But there was something that made her heart speed up while the rest of her got loose. It was disconcerting because it was such an unusual sensation.

  “Shane,” she whispered. “I don’t remember being with you.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he said and kept his tone low making her feel even more exposed. “You don’t get it… I don’t want you to act on how you used to feel. I want you to act on how you feel now, in the present… and in the future.”

  “How do I do that?” she asked, begged almost, because this was the first time she’d asked for honest advice. “I’m so confused… I’m so scared.”

  “Baby, I’m here,” he said, cupping her jaw again, he leaned in, but not to kiss her, he kept on going and bowed to kiss Cam’s head. “Neither of you will ever have to be scared again.”

  He was so convincing, he really believed it, and she smiled. “You’re a real alpha daddy, aren’t you?”

  “Think so,” he said, watching Cam as he stood up and handed the banana bowl off to his mother.

  She scraped the bottom and fed him the last of it while he retrieved the banana on the table for his father, all without letting go of her. “I’m good at doing what I’m told,” she said as Cam pushed the banana to his father’s lips. Shane took a bite then Cam tried to bite it, but the skin was too high, so Shane took the fruit and peeled the skin back then looked at her with a question and she nodded. “Cam’s not so good at following orders.”

  “A rebel,” Shane said with his mouth full as he shared more of the fruit with his son. “I like it… You never used to be good at doing what you were told either, momma.”

  Cam punched Shane’s shoulder and Shane prodded a finger into him, Ginger laughed at the outrage on Cam’s face. “I guess I am now.”