Remember When... Read online

  This was better, they were communicating, she was getting back the Calvin she knew. “He said the same to me. About being honest when I was going to be with Shane… but we can save this for therapy tomorrow. I just wanted to ask how your session went and to tell you that I might need to find a minute alone with Shane tonight.”

  “Do it at the lodge,” Calvin said. “Before we come back here… and keep your door locked when you’re in your room. I know he has to be in here for Cam. But he should never be in here with you, do you understand?”

  “I do,” she said, widening her smile. “I feel better talking to you about this.”

  Calvin seemed relaxed and it was so nice that they’d got over the bump. “And I feel better that you’re talking. I didn’t like the not knowing. We’re better when we strategize together.”

  “Absolutely,” she said and accepted his kiss. “We should get downstairs, everyone is waiting.”

  But he wasn’t in a rush. “We could ask Warren to keep an eye on Cam tonight… you could join me in my room.”

  Normality. Being with Calvin was what she knew. Ginger told herself to stop being seduced by what was new just because it was new. “If you like,” she said. “But Shane has never had full responsibility for Cam overnight… I don’t know if he’s comfortable enough for that yet.”

  “He’s confident with Cam,” Calvin said. “I don’t see why he would have a problem.” As much as she wasn’t sure she was ready to be spending the night in bed with anyone, Ginger also felt guilt for what she’d done with Shane, and Calvin deserved to be given his place with her. Having confessed the full truth to a shocked Doctor Guinness, he advised her not to tell Calvin until they were in session where reactions could be monitored and controlled. “It won’t hurt to ask.”

  “No,” she said. “It won’t… I’ll mention it when I talk to him tonight.”

  “Good,” he said and kissed her again. “Now, let’s go to dinner.”

  Ginger hooked her hand inside his elbow and allowed him to lead her out of the room. Ginger was suddenly aware of being the only female left here and she was grateful for Doctor Guinness being here to witness the tension. With all the testosterone zipping around, it was like living in a pressure cooker and today had proved that she couldn’t control it alone.

  13

  Dinner was lovely, as always. The lodge were getting used to their motley family group. She always sat between Cam and Calvin. Shane sat on Cam’s other side and with the high chair between them, they didn’t have to look at each other if they didn’t want to.

  Owen and Murphy sat on Shane’s other side. Doctor Guinness sat opposite her at the circular table separating Boyd and Owen from each other.

  Cam was trying to pick up the slices of banana she’d put on his high-chair tray for him while she wiped chocolate pudding from his lips. “Want me to get that?” Shane asked her as Cam kept trying to push his mom away.

  “Sure,” she said, but didn’t return his smile when he took the wipes.

  “Come on, buddy, let’s get you clean,” Shane said and began to wipe off Cam’s face and hands.

  There hadn’t been time to talk to Shane alone. Talking over the top of Cam and in front of an audience, wasn’t an option. And she couldn’t do it when they got back to the lodge because that would mean going to one of the bedrooms and Calvin didn’t want them to be alone together.

  Glancing around the room, she considered inviting him to the bar for a drink, but she didn’t drink and getting away would be difficult.

  Calvin leaned in at her side. “Ask him to dance.”

  Twisting, she looked at the dance floor that was occupied now that the band had started. They played every night, background music that allowed couples to enjoy some romance during their stay. “I don’t—”

  “I’ll keep an eye on you,” Calvin said. “You’ll be alone without having to be alone.”

  “Okay,” she said. Having just told Shane that she didn’t like to be touched, she was about to ask him to hold her. But she would have to do something. Standing up, Ginger took her napkin from her lap and put it on the chair. “Make sure Cam eats his banana.”

  “Of course,” Calvin said, moving across a chair. “Remember tonight.”

  She nodded and passed Cam to look down at Shane who was frowning at Calvin probably because he was using a fork to pick the banana from Calvin’s tray when both parents just used their fingers.

  Ginger laid a hesitant hand on Shane’s shoulder and cleared her throat when he looked up at her in surprise. “Will you dance with me… please?” she asked.

  Shane tossed his napkin backwards as he stood and it landed on Murphy, who was chatting to Owen and confused by the linen that smacked him.

  “Fuck yeah,” Shane said and took her hand to kiss her knuckles. He began to take her toward the dance floor, but glanced back. “We can bring Cam if you want. I can hold you both.”

  Having decided not to talk over her son at the table, she didn’t want to substitute the table for the floor. “He’s fine,” she said.

  It was awkward when they moved to the middle of the floor because he tried to take her into his arms, but she took his hand instead and put his hand firmly on her hip, eyeing him to silently say this was not a romantic invitation.

  “Uh oh,” he said, giving her a squeeze as they began to move. “Guess I shouldn’t have read too much into you picking me over Calvin.”

  “We have to talk,” she said. This was much better than drinking at the bar because she could focus on his chest instead of having to worry about looking him in the eye.

  “Another uh oh,” he said. “You’re about to say something I’m going to hate.”

  Truth was, there was too much to say and she didn’t know where to begin in this limited window of time. “Did you talk to Doctor Guinness?”

  “Yes, after Calvin… I took Cam in with me, he was fine playing on the floor. You can leave him with me any time and I’ll always—”

  “I know. I think you’re a good father and I’m sorry if my actions earlier implied anything else.”

  He tried to pull her closer, but she resisted. “Why are you talking to me like that? In that tone? Why won’t you look at me? Baby, I’m sorry for—”

  “It has to stop,” she said. She’d known this was going to be difficult, but this was a million times worse than she imagined. “Doctor Guinness spoke to me about prioritizing, about taking control and making decisions.”

  “Yes,” he said. “Everyone will be entitled to a private session, but we can invite another into our session if we want. No more group sessions in front of the fire… unless that’s what you want.”

  “Yes, but…” She couldn’t let herself be led, she had to be clear. Doctor Guinness’ words rang in her head, she had to be strong. “My priority is Cameron.”

  “Good,” he nodded. “Mine too.”

  “Doctor Guinness suggested that we should sit with a mediator, a lawyer, someone who can help us draw up a plan for him and I have questions about some practicalities.”

  “Ok,” he said. “I’ve already taken steps to set up a trust for him and college will be taken care of, of course. Anything he needs—”

  “No, it has to be more specific than that. I don’t want airy promises. We have to put a clear structure in place for his support.”

  Glancing up to see how he was taking her determination, she was surprised to see him smiling. “Anything you need, Bit. For you and Cam, nothing is enough.”

  Maybe she wasn’t being as clear as she thought. “You’re the father of my child.”

  His smile glowed. “I know.”

  “No, I mean… that’s it. That’s all you are. You’re Cam’s father.” His smile faltered. “We have to draw a line. My life now is with Calvin. I’ve done a lot of damage to my relationship with him in the last twenty-four hours. It was selfish. Doctor Guinness will sit down with me and him tomorrow and I’ll tell him everything. Everything, Shane. I’ll tell him
that I kissed you. I’ll tell him about what happened in the bathroom… both of them. I’m only going to be honest from here on out.”

  Now he was scowling and although he still held the position, Shane stopped moving to the music. “You have to listen to me, he’s not been honest with you… there are things you need to know.”

  Shaking her head, Ginger closed her eyes for a second and took her hands from him. “No… I know you don’t like him, but—”

  “No, this is more than that. It’s nothing to do with me, well it’s nothing to do with us. I have to tell you—”

  “If you have some big secret to share, invite me into your private session with the doctor. You and I will not be having any more private conversations alone in bedrooms and bathrooms. From now on, everything is witnessed.”

  “Because you don’t trust yourself?” he asked and stole a glance at the table. He exhaled a laugh and his hand rose to his forehead. “That’s what the dance is for, he’s watching, isn’t he? He wants us talking somewhere he can keep an eye on you.”

  “All Calvin wants to do is protect our relationship. He wants to protect me and Cam.”

  “From me?” Shane snapped. “Why am I the only one who remembers that I’m your husband? It’s my job to protect you and our son, not his.”

  More anger, Shane was used to working on instinct and not rationale. “Calvin has been very understanding,” she said, losing her patience. “He hasn’t commented on how much time you’ve been spending with Cam even though it must be tearing him apart.”

  “To see me bonding with my son? He doesn’t give a crap about Cammy, all he wants is the child support and—”

  “Stop it! Stop talking about money like it’s the be all and end all. No one cares about your money.” Clenching her jaw, she exhaled because somehow he was making her lose her rationality too. “Do you know what I did today?” He shrugged. “Research… I know who you are Mr. Warren. I know where you live. I know about the Ventura deal. I know how you made your money.”

  “Good,” he said. “I never wanted to hide anything from you. I wasn’t the one who refused you the right to use a telephone line for sixteen months.”

  “I saw the campaign. You spent a fortune trying to find me. You made appeals all over the media.”

  “And I’d do it again,” he said.

  “Well you’ve found me and…” Ginger didn’t want to be cruel, but reminded herself to be clear. “And I don’t want any part of it, Shane. I’m sorry.”

  “Any part of what?”

  “The money. The circus. I don’t want to be paraded around in the media, hailed as the infamous wife come home. I don’t want to do interviews and exploit myself and I sure won’t exploit my son.”

  “Is that what you meant about a plan? You want to keep him out of the media?”

  “Part of it,” she said. “I don’t want his picture plastered—”

  “Neither do I,” he said and widened his stance as his shoulders hunched and he peered closer. “How much research did you do into our lives before I lost you?”

  “I…” That took some of the wind from her sails. “I…” She’d researched his biography and the companies that were related to him, but she hadn’t gone into great detail about the nitty gritty of their lives.

  “We never did interviews. I bet you’d be hard pushed to find one picture of us together online. You always hated if someone tried to take our picture. If I had to go through backdoors and take them down for you, I did. You didn’t even come on stage at conventions or releases. You stayed in the background and everyone respected that because it was hard enough for them to get me to talk or even show up. We threw everything at the campaign because I wanted you back… Cam won’t be exploited, and neither will you… I promise.”

  It was so easy for him to sound certain, but his memory for details wasn’t that good. “Like you promised yourself you wouldn’t hurt me again?” she asked and the words impacted him with such force that he took a step backward and his hand went to his chest.

  But he recovered quickly. “If I’d known that not being upfront about the company would’ve hurt you, I’d have told you everything… I swear, there’s nothing I’m keeping from you on purpose. No secrets.”

  “The Ventura woman,” she said and because they were conspicuous as the only couple not moving on the floor, she let him take hold of her so they could dance again. “She’s beautiful.”

  His brow twitched down. “Julianna? Uh, I guess… I’ve never met her.”

  “Ever?” she asked and thought that was quite an extreme position.

  “Ever. In fact that’s why the deal’s not going to happen. She wanted to meet and I said no dice.”

  There was no logic in that. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m here,” he said.

  Oh, so it was on her, just what she didn’t want. “I told you that you could go back to work,” she said. “I won’t have you missing out on a deal because of my issues.”

  “Your issues are my issues.”

  “No,” she said, frustrated that he wasn’t listening. “That’s what I’m telling you. You’re Cam’s father. That’s the only tie you have to me. And he can live without you for a few days… He’s never used video calling, but Owen was telling me at the hospital that it’s a thing, right? Maybe Owen can set it up for you and Cam to talk on video.”

  “And you? How do I talk to you? I won’t be a Skype dad.”

  “I don’t even know what that means,” she said. “I’m trying to be reasonable. To show you that I won’t obstruct your relationship with him… I don’t know anything about technology, so I can’t do it, but Owen can.”

  His patience was being stretched again. “We can stop talking about this, because I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here… How will we have our mediation sessions about Cam’s future if I’m not here?”

  That was a good point and one she pondered for a minute before coming up with another idea. “Then invite her here.”

  Shock made him blink. “What?”

  “Not to the cabin.” That was a laughable idea. “It’s nuts down there and we don’t want her seeing any part of that. But this is a hotel too. You can arrange for her to have a room and they have conference rooms. You can have your meetings here at the lodge.”

  “That’s… that’s… not a bad idea.”

  See, they could both be reasonable, if they stayed detached and didn’t get emotional. “You can have dinner and drinks, maybe you could invite her to—”

  “It’s business, not social,” he said like he was suspicious of her motives. It would make Ginger’s life easier if his romantic interest switched to someone else. “I’ll talk to Murph about it, he’ll set it up. Thank you, Bit.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. I will support your business and accommodate what you do providing it doesn’t interfere with Cam’s wellbeing.”

  “Nothing ever will.”

  “Good,” she said. “Then I think we’re done.”

  “The divorce papers,” he said before she could turn away. “Don’t sign them.”

  “I tore up the settlement.”

  “It’s not the money. I don’t care about that, just… don’t sign them.”

  Exhaling, she wasn’t sure she’d got through to him at all. “You’re Cam’s father—”

  “And your husband,” he said, stopping to cup her face to tip her head back. “I’m not asking you for a commitment… I’m not even asking for a kiss.” He smiled and touched his thumb to her lips, but she did her best to remain detached. “All I’m asking is that you don’t put pen to paper. Please. Make me this one promise.”

  It was a big one. The biggest one. Divorce papers needed signatures of both spouses, although given the circumstances, hers may be enough to convince a judge to force the issue. “Doctor Guinness suggested we stick a pin in the issue for a few days anyway. Calvin’s agreed with that.”

  His hands dropped and his scowl returned. “Oh, well,
if Calvin’s agreed.”

  “He’s going to be a part of my life, which means he’ll be a part of Cam’s. You have to find a way to get along with him… just like I’ll have to find a way to get along with whoever you end up with.”

  Pissed, he didn’t seem reasonable anymore as he became snide. “You might have self-esteem issues, but I’ll love you enough for both of us.”

  She wanted to scream. “Shane, you have to let this go. You’re not listening to me! There’s nothing between us anymore. Our marriage ended sixteen months ago. Calvin is—”

  “He’s in it for the money. He wants to marry you because you’re worth a fortune.”

  “Ok then,” she said, folding her arms. “If you believe that, go on over there and offer him money. Offer him money to walk away.”

  His chin rose, either angry or intrigued by the idea. “Cam’s at that table,” Shane said. “I’m not starting a fight in front of our son and I don’t trust myself not to punch the guy in the face if things get dirty.”

  Rolling her tongue, Ginger tutted. “Great, use our son as an excuse. You won’t do it because you know he wouldn’t take it. You could offer him ten billion dollars and he wouldn’t leave me for it. He loves me, Shane. I don’t know why you can’t believe that.”

  “Because after you left this afternoon, Murph and I figured out the truth, and baby, it’s not pretty.”

  “Secrets,” she said and turned to walk away, but he scooped an arm around her waist and hauled her back to him.

  “Truth,” he said, hunched so his face was just an inch from hers.

  Searching his eyes, she saw that certainty. He hadn’t heard her or if he had, he had ignored what she was trying to say. Maybe a cold hard slap was what he needed. “Will you sleep in my room tonight?” she asked.

  His certainty flashed to surprise then he slowly grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “Cam shouldn’t wake up, but I’ll make a bottle for him just in case and you can use the warmer that’s in the drawer. It’s electronic, you’re good with that stuff, right? You’ll figure it out, there’s only one switch.”